SKAMANIA, Washington–Witnesses in a small town in southwestern Washington state observed a cryptozoological catastrophe last weekend when a giant worm attacked and devoured a whole family of bigfoot. “Unfortunately the ground was shaking and it all happened so fast that we didn’t have time to get out and turn on our camcorder,” said Chuck Hartwell, a local logger who was out camping with his family when they witnessed the attack.
“At first we thought it was just an earthquake,” said Hartwell. “The ground was shaking and we wanted to get out of the trees into the open. Then we saw a family of bigfoot running on the other side of the creek. The ground started shaking even more and trees were falling down behind the bigfoots. That’s when we noticed that the ground was churning up like a giant gopher tunnel. All of a sudden a huge giant worm shot up out of the tunneling and chomped down on the smallest bigfoot. The other three bigfoot started beating on the worm with logs and rocks, but in a matter of seconds it had eaten all of them too. We were so shaken by this that we were afraid to move for an hour after the attack–afraid that the worm might somehow hear and come after us too. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back in the woods. The world is just such a scary place these days!”